As I've grown older, it's become more apparent that the feeling you got on certain holidays when you were younger changes as you grow. Maybe this is an obvious statement, but it's just become more obvious to me lately.
When I was little, Christmas had this certain feeling. It's hard to explain - you really have to be in my head to truly get it - but there was this feeling, both of impending excitement and just feeling really immersed in the tradition. We used to go to my grandmother's every Christmas Eve, for hors d'oeuvres and snacks, and just hanging with family. Now, my memory's a bit shot, so I don't remember exactly what I was doing, but I remember the occurrence. (We also used to go to The Banquet Centre for Christmas celebrations on Christmas Eve, and I remember singing on the stage there and watching random cartoons.) But just the act of doing that made Christmas, and the thought of Christmas, feel a certain way.
This might sound melodramatic or silly or whatever, but ever since we moved away from the majority of my dad's side of the family, here to the Ottawa area, Christmas has felt different. Maybe it's being removed from family; maybe it's being removed from the small town, familiar atmosphere I always felt/feel when I go home; whatever it is, the feeling changed. Christmas felt alien; well, that's perhaps the wrong choice of words. It just felt like it was any other day.
There was no sense of building anticipation. I stopped leaving out cookies and milk (and carrots) for Santa and the reindeer. There was no sense of bonding with family; I mean, they were still there, but for some reason, the same FEELING wasn't there. Everything changed when we moved. That's so weird to me, and I do miss the feeling. I get the feeling whenever I go back to see my family where most of them still live, and I see the snow, and the houses. The feeling comes back, even if it's not Christmas; just that feeling of familiarity and comfort and tradition.
I've decided I need to have that feeling wherever I decide to settle, finally. I love that feeling; I don't necessarily need to live in the same place, but I need to be able to feel the feeling. Where we live now, I really don't feel it. I've never liked it here; I've met some amazing people here, had some great experiences, but I've never truly enjoyed my time here, and even though my life would be insanely different if we had never moved, and I don't know if it would be better or worse, I still miss the feeling and I need it wherever I live.
It's hard to explain a feeling; but it's in my head and for some reason, I wanted to put it out there, even though I'm certainly not doing the feeling justice. Maybe it's as simple as missing dressing up in a velvet dress on Christmas Eve, or as complicated as missing familiarity and bonding. Whatever it is, it's there. And I have never felt that feeling, and don't think I will ever feel that feeling, here in this place. It's the way I know I will never be able to live the rest of my life in this area.
Well, that was semi-depressing! I still enjoy Xmas to the hilt - despite not being at all religious, but really, is this holiday really about that anymore? I don't think so, really, just due to the commercial stuff and also just about it being more about love and giving than anything to do with some higher power only a few people believe in - but here is different.
This also stems from apparently just wanting to settle down.
I might need a job first. In my chosen field. Preferably.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Friday, December 07, 2012
That Stupid McDonald's Commercial
I just said something while talking to my far away (too far away) boyfriend about that stupid McDonald's commercial.
The stupid McDonald's commercial I'm referring to here is the one where it's the young couple have just moved into their first house together. The woman gets her (I'm assuming fiancee) a McDonald's gift card, and meanwhile, he's created a lovely setting for their McDonald's dinner. He made a Christmas tree out of packing boxes and draped Christmas lights, and then she gives him the card and they eat and stuff. That commercial is on EVERY YEAR, and its effect never changes for me. I used to hate it because it was adorable and I wasn't in a good relationship and that's all I wanted. Now, and for the past couple of years, I hate it because I'm in a great, amazing relationship and I still can't have.
What I said was: "I just want the moments." And it's true. That's all I want - the tiny moments that make up a true life together. And I can't have it yet. That's neither of our faults; we both have lives, and things we're working towards. My goodness, he's still in school! So it's not like it's really fixable. But if anything, that entitles me to a certain amount of complaining about it!
I just really liked what I said and wanted to put it somewhere. I want the moments. Especially at this time of year, I want the moments. I want to start traditions, with him, with our friends, with our families. But we can't yet and it bothers me.
That stupid McDonald's commercial.
The stupid McDonald's commercial I'm referring to here is the one where it's the young couple have just moved into their first house together. The woman gets her (I'm assuming fiancee) a McDonald's gift card, and meanwhile, he's created a lovely setting for their McDonald's dinner. He made a Christmas tree out of packing boxes and draped Christmas lights, and then she gives him the card and they eat and stuff. That commercial is on EVERY YEAR, and its effect never changes for me. I used to hate it because it was adorable and I wasn't in a good relationship and that's all I wanted. Now, and for the past couple of years, I hate it because I'm in a great, amazing relationship and I still can't have.
What I said was: "I just want the moments." And it's true. That's all I want - the tiny moments that make up a true life together. And I can't have it yet. That's neither of our faults; we both have lives, and things we're working towards. My goodness, he's still in school! So it's not like it's really fixable. But if anything, that entitles me to a certain amount of complaining about it!
I just really liked what I said and wanted to put it somewhere. I want the moments. Especially at this time of year, I want the moments. I want to start traditions, with him, with our friends, with our families. But we can't yet and it bothers me.
That stupid McDonald's commercial.
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
Motivation
Motivation is an interesting thing. I feel like my motivation was at least passable when I was still in school, having to do work and work under tight deadlines while doing a show and somehow still managing to have friends. But as I've been living outside of the bubble of school, I feel that it's gotten worse.
Now it's turned into phases. I go through phases of applying for jobs, phases of social life stuff, phases of college planning/deciding, just phases. It's like now that I'm not paying for anything educational, forcing me to be at least a little motivated so I can get my money's worth, graduate and get some experience while it's still sort of easy, I can't get going. I'm working, at a part-time job, and that's great; money's coming in and I'm actually coming to like it a lot, more than most part-time jobs I've had. But I still need to continue looking for jobs in my field. I mean, I've made some strides there, making some connections with some event planning companies, and some trade shows, so that's awesome, but you know, I could always be doing more. And maybe that's just me being hard on myself - that happens a lot, and will probably never stop happening - but I still feel like I could be doing more.
But every time I come home from work, or even have the day off, I often can't bring myself to do anything, let alone search for jobs or connections or even talk to people sometimes!
I don't really know where this blog post is going. I just wanted to comment on it, I guess. (For a specific example: it has taken me about two hours to get this far in this blog post, and who knows how long it'll be before it gets posted.) Motivation is something that differs from person to person, but I think everyone has a struggle with it at some point in their lives, no matter who they are. It might be small, it might be a huge thing, but I think there'll be a moment where everyone feels they're not doing enough but can't make themselves do it either.
Again. No real comment on this, just kind of how it makes me feel. Which is guilty. And weird. And wishing I could fix it but it's hard to force myself, and I don't really want to force myself to be doing stuff so important to the rest of my life. So I'll keep trying, and it's not like it's not something I want to do. I want to work in my field so badly, and I'm offering to volunteer for events with some people because I just want to work in this arena so much. Maybe it's just a passing thing, and it'll get better. It usually does.
This was all brought on by the fact that it took me a month and a bit to even write a blog post, about anything. Only a little sad. Whoops.
Now it's turned into phases. I go through phases of applying for jobs, phases of social life stuff, phases of college planning/deciding, just phases. It's like now that I'm not paying for anything educational, forcing me to be at least a little motivated so I can get my money's worth, graduate and get some experience while it's still sort of easy, I can't get going. I'm working, at a part-time job, and that's great; money's coming in and I'm actually coming to like it a lot, more than most part-time jobs I've had. But I still need to continue looking for jobs in my field. I mean, I've made some strides there, making some connections with some event planning companies, and some trade shows, so that's awesome, but you know, I could always be doing more. And maybe that's just me being hard on myself - that happens a lot, and will probably never stop happening - but I still feel like I could be doing more.
But every time I come home from work, or even have the day off, I often can't bring myself to do anything, let alone search for jobs or connections or even talk to people sometimes!
I don't really know where this blog post is going. I just wanted to comment on it, I guess. (For a specific example: it has taken me about two hours to get this far in this blog post, and who knows how long it'll be before it gets posted.) Motivation is something that differs from person to person, but I think everyone has a struggle with it at some point in their lives, no matter who they are. It might be small, it might be a huge thing, but I think there'll be a moment where everyone feels they're not doing enough but can't make themselves do it either.
Again. No real comment on this, just kind of how it makes me feel. Which is guilty. And weird. And wishing I could fix it but it's hard to force myself, and I don't really want to force myself to be doing stuff so important to the rest of my life. So I'll keep trying, and it's not like it's not something I want to do. I want to work in my field so badly, and I'm offering to volunteer for events with some people because I just want to work in this arena so much. Maybe it's just a passing thing, and it'll get better. It usually does.
This was all brought on by the fact that it took me a month and a bit to even write a blog post, about anything. Only a little sad. Whoops.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Long Distance Woes
So.
I'm in a long distance relationship. I have been in a long distance relationship for two years, approximately. (Two and a half years in January.) It has been a long time, and the distance is quite significant, as my boyfriend lives FAR across the province from me. It takes me about seven hours to get to where he lives on the train, and would take probably that same amount of time, give or take two hours, to drive it. (Which I have never done, because that's a LONG way to drive by myself!)
I don't really know why I'm writing this post. Well, I do - this is always in the back of my head. Distance is hard, as I also have a few friends - and even more now that I have graduated from Queen's - who live far away with me. That's hard, having friends that far away. But having a boyfriend that far away? A serious relationship that far away? That's even harder. At least, we find it so.
I think the moments it really comes down to how hard it is are those moments when you, inevitably, have fights. Trying to have a fight, at all, in the first place, on the Internet, is difficult. Even though you're fighting, it usually gets worse because no matter how careful you are, something might not come across the way you meant it. Maybe you forgot a word, maybe you made a typo, maybe you just didn't structure your sentence properly. Either way, it might result in the other person exploding. There can be a cooling down period, but it might stretch way too long if the other person just never replies to the e-mail you made the mistake in, or doesn't reply to the apology e-mail you sent when you realised you had made a mistake. (Usually after receiving a blasting e-mail, the equivalent of screaming on the Internet.) It's not the same as living in the same house, or even the same town - you can go home, you can go into another room, but you'll still be in the same sphere when the cooling down is done and it's time to talk.
On the Internet, when the cooling down period is done - and for us, the Internet is where the majority of our exchanges take place, since I don't enjoy talking on the phone for hours on end that much - there's not an easy way to walk back into the room. Things might still not be communicated properly. Even if there's an apology, it either doesn't work or it results in a long, drawn-out fight - maybe over hours, maybe over days. That's certainly happened before. It's hard - there's no make-up hug or kiss or anything; there's just an unsatisfying resolve that you know would be better, and you could make yourself more understood, if you could simply talk to the other person face-to-face.
I think that's the hardest for me, personally. I often take things the wrong way, and usually it's because he's made a genuine mistake in his phrasing or forgot a word or simply didn't realise what kind of mood I was in. (And really, how could he? He's not actually talking to me!) It's usually my fault, taking something the wrong way but it's hard to stop. We had a bad blow-out the other day and we barely talked the following couple of days because it was hard for me to go back to it.
You'd think it would all get easier over time. You'd think you'd start being able to stop taking things the wrong way, to stop getting in stupid fights, to stop missing the other person quite as much, to stop moaning about how expensive train tickets are or how much time they take up. But it doesn't get easier. If anything, it gets harder the longer you go on.
You get tired of everything so fast. But if it's serious - if you're truly in it for the long haul - you'll stay. Even though it's hard, even though you're exhausted, you stay because you love the other person. (I know, sappy!) But it never stops being difficult to handle, and the fights are sometimes more numerous. You go through phases, though they come at different times and different intensities. It sucks, but you just have to go through it hoping it will turn out for the best, and you'll come out shining at the end, and maybe you'll finally live even as close as a street away from him.
You never stop missing the other person, either. I know this will turn out, and that's the reason we've put so much work into keeping this relationship going, and that, in turn, is the reason I know it's all going to be worth it.
I'm in a long distance relationship. I have been in a long distance relationship for two years, approximately. (Two and a half years in January.) It has been a long time, and the distance is quite significant, as my boyfriend lives FAR across the province from me. It takes me about seven hours to get to where he lives on the train, and would take probably that same amount of time, give or take two hours, to drive it. (Which I have never done, because that's a LONG way to drive by myself!)
I don't really know why I'm writing this post. Well, I do - this is always in the back of my head. Distance is hard, as I also have a few friends - and even more now that I have graduated from Queen's - who live far away with me. That's hard, having friends that far away. But having a boyfriend that far away? A serious relationship that far away? That's even harder. At least, we find it so.
I think the moments it really comes down to how hard it is are those moments when you, inevitably, have fights. Trying to have a fight, at all, in the first place, on the Internet, is difficult. Even though you're fighting, it usually gets worse because no matter how careful you are, something might not come across the way you meant it. Maybe you forgot a word, maybe you made a typo, maybe you just didn't structure your sentence properly. Either way, it might result in the other person exploding. There can be a cooling down period, but it might stretch way too long if the other person just never replies to the e-mail you made the mistake in, or doesn't reply to the apology e-mail you sent when you realised you had made a mistake. (Usually after receiving a blasting e-mail, the equivalent of screaming on the Internet.) It's not the same as living in the same house, or even the same town - you can go home, you can go into another room, but you'll still be in the same sphere when the cooling down is done and it's time to talk.
On the Internet, when the cooling down period is done - and for us, the Internet is where the majority of our exchanges take place, since I don't enjoy talking on the phone for hours on end that much - there's not an easy way to walk back into the room. Things might still not be communicated properly. Even if there's an apology, it either doesn't work or it results in a long, drawn-out fight - maybe over hours, maybe over days. That's certainly happened before. It's hard - there's no make-up hug or kiss or anything; there's just an unsatisfying resolve that you know would be better, and you could make yourself more understood, if you could simply talk to the other person face-to-face.
I think that's the hardest for me, personally. I often take things the wrong way, and usually it's because he's made a genuine mistake in his phrasing or forgot a word or simply didn't realise what kind of mood I was in. (And really, how could he? He's not actually talking to me!) It's usually my fault, taking something the wrong way but it's hard to stop. We had a bad blow-out the other day and we barely talked the following couple of days because it was hard for me to go back to it.
You'd think it would all get easier over time. You'd think you'd start being able to stop taking things the wrong way, to stop getting in stupid fights, to stop missing the other person quite as much, to stop moaning about how expensive train tickets are or how much time they take up. But it doesn't get easier. If anything, it gets harder the longer you go on.
You get tired of everything so fast. But if it's serious - if you're truly in it for the long haul - you'll stay. Even though it's hard, even though you're exhausted, you stay because you love the other person. (I know, sappy!) But it never stops being difficult to handle, and the fights are sometimes more numerous. You go through phases, though they come at different times and different intensities. It sucks, but you just have to go through it hoping it will turn out for the best, and you'll come out shining at the end, and maybe you'll finally live even as close as a street away from him.
You never stop missing the other person, either. I know this will turn out, and that's the reason we've put so much work into keeping this relationship going, and that, in turn, is the reason I know it's all going to be worth it.
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
Lizzie Borden
On August 4, 1892, the town of Fall River, Massachusetts, was shocked by a double murder that remains unsolved to this day...
Okay. I am not going to give you a history of the murders of Robert Borden and Abigail Borden, nee Gray. (I mean, if you want me to, please leave a comment to that because I have read extensively on the subject and love to discuss it.) (I also just found a listing for Abigail Borden on Facebook and MySpace and was very worried for a second, before I realised that both those names are pretty common.) While very interesting, I'm pretty sure you don't want to read it. You probably think you'll get a more accurate depiction on Wikipedia. (Which you won't. Because Wikipedia is largely a crock. But that's just my opinion. I'm sorry, if your site allows anyone off the street to edit any entry, I'm not going to use that site as a reference very seriously.)
You probably wonder why I've read at least three books on the grisly subject of these murders. Reason One: I get weirdly interested in murders and school shootings; they interest me as a student of history. Reason Two (and the one that's relevant to this post): When I was in grade ten, I appeared in a play called BLOOD RELATIONS, by Sharon Pollack, which we entered in the Sears Drama Festival that year. (We didn't do the whole play, just the first act, so we didn't actually do the murders onstage or anything, not that that happens in the play anyway.) Next year, the Queen's Drama Department is performing this same play. (That can be seen in my previous THEATRE TIMES post.)
I adore this play. Every time I read it, it fascinates me a little more. This is probably because every time I read it, it makes both a little more sense and a little less sense to me. It is a very intricate, complicated piece, with hundreds of different interpretations to it. Being a memory play (at least, that's what I always, always call it, because it's the easiest way to say it, even though it's definitely not what it is, since the various moments aren't true memories, but that is a really long thing to say), there are so many ways in which to think about who Miss Lizzie and the Actress are, and who's being portrayed, and how they're being portrayed. It seems very complicated at first - I'm pretty sure this explanation is not helping anyone - but Sharon Pollack is a genius at getting you to understand quickly on the surface so you're able to slide into the many worlds of the play. (I'm not kidding; there are about four very different worlds. World A - that's the one with the actors and the audience, where you're seeing/reading the play; World B - Lizzie and the Actress in present day Fall River; World C - The Actress playing Lizzie and Lizzie being in her own memories as Bridget; World D - this weird limbo the Actress and Lizzie are in. I consider World D separate from World B because they do seem to be in limbo to me. META.) This play is just brilliant to me, and I own a copy - although I need another copy, like in a book, just to keep track of more easily, not my script with notes everywhere - and I read it every year at least. (Wah, it's in storage now, along with all my other yearly re-read books.) But it is so interesting and great.
The story of Lizzie Borden attracted me from the first moment I read the play. (I think I did know who Lizzie Borden was before that, but grade 10 was the first time I really thought about it.) As I said, I have a weird penchant for murder stories, especially unsolved cases. This happened 120 years ago this year, almost 121 years ago, and no one has ever actually ascertained what happened that summer day. No one knows if Lizzie did it - of course, that is the most popular theory, and really makes the most sense if you read an account of the case - or if someone came in off the street, or if Abby's brother did it. There are many theories, but no solid evidence was ever found. (This was obviously well before the days of DNA testing.) Obviously I know a lot about the case, but I still can't tell you who did it, because I can't really decide.
Now before this turns into a history lesson...Back to the merits of the play!
The brilliant part of Sharon Pollack's play is that she doesn't tell you who did it either. You can take whatever you want; you can decide Lizzie did it, or you can decide Lizzie didn't do it, but she gives you the option, in a dramatic way. She doesn't say, "Lizzie did murder her parents." She gives you the motive Lizzie may have had, but she also hands you some motives for some other people. She doesn't give you all the facts. Obviously it's a dramatic interpretation, so some facts got changed or left out, but overall, she's accurate - accurate to the terms of the information we have. (Again, 1892 - not the best at records either.) And she leaves the choice up to you. Can I emphasize that enough?
I played Miss Lizzie in the play. (I did not play Bridget; it being high school, we split that character off to open more parts and I still can't decide what I would do in that situation.) It was a great experience, and though we didn't move up to the next round, we should have. (Yes. I'm still bitter.) I worked with great people and it went really well, and I just fell in love.
Now my alma mater is doing it, and while I'm a tiny bit annoyed (come on! I would have begged to work on that show!), I'm so excited they are finally doing it. I directed an excerpt from it in my fourth year, and it made me think about it even more. (I also did a full directors' workbook on it with a classmate in third year, and if you want to talk about that - well, it was huge and super, super fun because I am a huge nerd and I still have it.) I can't wait to see what they do with it - Greg Wanless is directing, and after seeing his interpretation of A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM, I am excited and uber curious to see what he does with it. It's definitely a show I'll be making a trip to Kingston to see, without a doubt. I'd love to direct it as well; it'd be interesting, and really, really difficult, since I would have to actually make up my mind about some things - most important of which being, "Did you do it, Lizzie? Lizzie, did you?"
And seriously, would YOU stay here if you knew exactly what happened that day? https://www.lizzie-borden.com/about-the-house/history - I'd be TERRIFIED. I want to tour it, but if I stayed there, I would certainly not sleep.
Okay. I am not going to give you a history of the murders of Robert Borden and Abigail Borden, nee Gray. (I mean, if you want me to, please leave a comment to that because I have read extensively on the subject and love to discuss it.) (I also just found a listing for Abigail Borden on Facebook and MySpace and was very worried for a second, before I realised that both those names are pretty common.) While very interesting, I'm pretty sure you don't want to read it. You probably think you'll get a more accurate depiction on Wikipedia. (Which you won't. Because Wikipedia is largely a crock. But that's just my opinion. I'm sorry, if your site allows anyone off the street to edit any entry, I'm not going to use that site as a reference very seriously.)
You probably wonder why I've read at least three books on the grisly subject of these murders. Reason One: I get weirdly interested in murders and school shootings; they interest me as a student of history. Reason Two (and the one that's relevant to this post): When I was in grade ten, I appeared in a play called BLOOD RELATIONS, by Sharon Pollack, which we entered in the Sears Drama Festival that year. (We didn't do the whole play, just the first act, so we didn't actually do the murders onstage or anything, not that that happens in the play anyway.) Next year, the Queen's Drama Department is performing this same play. (That can be seen in my previous THEATRE TIMES post.)
I adore this play. Every time I read it, it fascinates me a little more. This is probably because every time I read it, it makes both a little more sense and a little less sense to me. It is a very intricate, complicated piece, with hundreds of different interpretations to it. Being a memory play (at least, that's what I always, always call it, because it's the easiest way to say it, even though it's definitely not what it is, since the various moments aren't true memories, but that is a really long thing to say), there are so many ways in which to think about who Miss Lizzie and the Actress are, and who's being portrayed, and how they're being portrayed. It seems very complicated at first - I'm pretty sure this explanation is not helping anyone - but Sharon Pollack is a genius at getting you to understand quickly on the surface so you're able to slide into the many worlds of the play. (I'm not kidding; there are about four very different worlds. World A - that's the one with the actors and the audience, where you're seeing/reading the play; World B - Lizzie and the Actress in present day Fall River; World C - The Actress playing Lizzie and Lizzie being in her own memories as Bridget; World D - this weird limbo the Actress and Lizzie are in. I consider World D separate from World B because they do seem to be in limbo to me. META.) This play is just brilliant to me, and I own a copy - although I need another copy, like in a book, just to keep track of more easily, not my script with notes everywhere - and I read it every year at least. (Wah, it's in storage now, along with all my other yearly re-read books.) But it is so interesting and great.
The story of Lizzie Borden attracted me from the first moment I read the play. (I think I did know who Lizzie Borden was before that, but grade 10 was the first time I really thought about it.) As I said, I have a weird penchant for murder stories, especially unsolved cases. This happened 120 years ago this year, almost 121 years ago, and no one has ever actually ascertained what happened that summer day. No one knows if Lizzie did it - of course, that is the most popular theory, and really makes the most sense if you read an account of the case - or if someone came in off the street, or if Abby's brother did it. There are many theories, but no solid evidence was ever found. (This was obviously well before the days of DNA testing.) Obviously I know a lot about the case, but I still can't tell you who did it, because I can't really decide.
Now before this turns into a history lesson...Back to the merits of the play!
The brilliant part of Sharon Pollack's play is that she doesn't tell you who did it either. You can take whatever you want; you can decide Lizzie did it, or you can decide Lizzie didn't do it, but she gives you the option, in a dramatic way. She doesn't say, "Lizzie did murder her parents." She gives you the motive Lizzie may have had, but she also hands you some motives for some other people. She doesn't give you all the facts. Obviously it's a dramatic interpretation, so some facts got changed or left out, but overall, she's accurate - accurate to the terms of the information we have. (Again, 1892 - not the best at records either.) And she leaves the choice up to you. Can I emphasize that enough?
I played Miss Lizzie in the play. (I did not play Bridget; it being high school, we split that character off to open more parts and I still can't decide what I would do in that situation.) It was a great experience, and though we didn't move up to the next round, we should have. (Yes. I'm still bitter.) I worked with great people and it went really well, and I just fell in love.
Now my alma mater is doing it, and while I'm a tiny bit annoyed (come on! I would have begged to work on that show!), I'm so excited they are finally doing it. I directed an excerpt from it in my fourth year, and it made me think about it even more. (I also did a full directors' workbook on it with a classmate in third year, and if you want to talk about that - well, it was huge and super, super fun because I am a huge nerd and I still have it.) I can't wait to see what they do with it - Greg Wanless is directing, and after seeing his interpretation of A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM, I am excited and uber curious to see what he does with it. It's definitely a show I'll be making a trip to Kingston to see, without a doubt. I'd love to direct it as well; it'd be interesting, and really, really difficult, since I would have to actually make up my mind about some things - most important of which being, "Did you do it, Lizzie? Lizzie, did you?"
And seriously, would YOU stay here if you knew exactly what happened that day? https://www.lizzie-borden.com/about-the-house/history - I'd be TERRIFIED. I want to tour it, but if I stayed there, I would certainly not sleep.
Latte Land
I have to get back into the rhythm of writing legitimate blog posts. Also, I never promised they would be every day - I guess I was pretty sure I was not going to be able to pull that one off!
Currently, I am sitting in a new coffee shop, or cafe, or whatever you want to call it, that just opened in town. I'm drinking a 12oz caramel latte. I'm set for a while. I've got a Libba Bray book in my bag, and my computer. (Although only for about 2 hours or so, since my power cord isn't plugging nicely into the wall and I get weirdly paranoid about forcing it and blowing a fuse.) I'm set for a while. And I better be - there are two showings at my house this afternoon/evening, and I don't feel like going home for half an hour in between them. I plan to just stay here until it's time to meet my parents for dinner.
I really dislike this part of selling a house. I have to pick everything up and get out of the house for at least an hour - although the showing we already had today was half an hour. I mean, don't get me wrong; I like a tidy house as much as the next person. But this is getting intense and ridiculous; it happens all the time, yet no matter what we do to the house, no one is interested enough to buy it. It's all a result of people not being able to look past the aesthetic stuff - well, let's be fair. That's not always the reason. Often, it's because of location or price or whatever. But sometimes, it really is because of the aesthetic stuff. The other day, someone cancelled an appointment because they did a drive-by earlier in the day (who does that?) and didn't like the look of the backyard. The really annoying thing was that they weren't looking at our backyard; the fence at the back of our yard is not our fence. It belongs to the town houses in the lot behind our house, and we have no control over it. (Otherwise it would not be held up with cables, I'm pretty sure.) But it just drives me crazy. You can't see past a few things to what it might be like to live there? Especially after we renovated most of the house?
It's the problem I see every time I watch Property Virgins on HGTV. People don't like the paint, or the kitchen island, or the cabinets. All of these things are easily fixable! And at a minimum cost! I don't like kitchen islands, but I'd like to think that I would be able to see past it. Unless there's plumbing in it, I could just take it out, without gutting the entire kitchen. I yell at the screen every time I see people making this mistake, and I want to yell at the people dismissing the possibility of buying my house for making that same mistake. Things are fixable; they're easy to update, without doing major renovations, and really, our price isn't that steep.
But hey. It does depend on the particular person's situation. They might be in a really tight spot and not have anything extra to work with, not even enough to get paint. (Since paint can be uber expensive!) So if they don't think they can live with it long enough to get to the point where they can get the money to make it their own home, I can see why they would focus on the aesthetic thing. It's just hard when you're trying to sell a house because the situation you're in is one you don't want to be in for long, either. (Ours is mainly the commute.)
I think what makes me even more annoyed, and I'll say it, pissed off, is those people who say they're really interested, and their realtor says they're really excited - and then nothing ever happens. They say they're thinking about an offer but then they never make one. Don't pretend to be excited - don't let your realtor tell the person selling the house - and by extension, the people living in that house - that you're really excited and are probably going to put in an offer. It gets people's hopes up, and then when nothing ever happens, it's the worst. You can't look for houses because you need to sell your house first. Sure, you can look at houses - but it's the worst when you find one you love, and it gets sold because no one's following through on their excitement. If you're not excited, if you're not actually going to put an offer out there, don't tell your realtor you are!
In short - er, well this turned out pretty long, so I guess "in short" is just an expression here - I just really want my parents to sell their house. This is mostly so I don't have to clean the house every few days and have to figure out something to do, somewhere to go, for an hour or more every few days. (I really miss school in this instance, and also, I need a job!) Due to my lack of employment, I don't like going anywhere - there aren't really any free places I can go. If I go somewhere, I usually need to buy something. I am pretty tight budgeted, because money actually sort of scares me, so I don't like it. I wish I could go to the library - that'd be ideal - but because of the town I live in, and the fact that anywhere I go, people will speak French at me and make me feel like an outcast because I don't speak French, I don't feel comfortable at the library. Also, these showings often happen during the day, and the public library is attached to a high school, so there's always students in there. I don't have any homework to do, and I miss school, so I don't want to sit and take up a spot for a student. (Not that the library is ever that packed, but I hope I communicated the awkwardness.)
I cannot wait for my parents to move so I can get out of this town. I wouldn't have anything against French people - in fact, I don't have anything against the French community as a whole - but in this town, there is a certain kind of French group who are very snobby about being French and look down their nose at you if you are English, and they're taking over the town. Every sign is in French, and you're lucky if it's in English, and when it is, it's an afterthought. (Except for street signs, at least. Even the signs in WAL-MART are French first, and English after, in small writing.) It was not like this when we first moved here. I just don't feel like I belong or am welcome anymore - I can't get a job here, so I have to travel to Ottawa every day to go job hunting. (Although in Ottawa, I'm feeling the fact that I'm probably not going to be able to work here because I don't speak French and people are getting snobbier about it.) This town is a 15-20 minute drive from the nearest bus station to get into Ottawa. My parents' commute is at least an hour; they take a coach bus from here to Ottawa, and then another bus to their work places. It's the main reason why we're moving. They moved here so we could go to school, and I am happy about that; I met some of my best friends in school here, and I wouldn't be studying drama if I hadn't had the best teacher ever, Gwen Smith, but it's definitely time to move on before this gets swallowed by the French. Again, nothing against the French community - I certainly don't judge every French person I meet, and I have met some of the nicest French people here - but a large majority of the people here are rude and don't think you merit consideration. And a lot of them are in customer service.
It also means I don't really have a lot of outlets for arts work. After four years in Kingston, and four years in a very intimate, tight department with hundreds of opportunities, I guess I'm a little spoiled. I'm used to having so many options for shows, and so many different roles to try. Now, there's no opportunity really, because any arts thing I hear about is in our exclusively French newspaper, so there's no way to get into that theatre scene. (Also, there's not really a theatre scene to speak of.) I would make some, but I don't think the English community here is big enough to really get a following. I don't even know where to start with it. I really want to move into Ottawa so I can get back into shows, and have a chance - it would be too difficult to do a show in Ottawa while we live here due to the intense commute and the issue I have with driving in certain areas. (As in, downtown. Nope.)
But as I sit in this coffee shop and listen to people carry on conversations in a weird hybrid of French and English about Chippendales fully nude dancers (I saw Chippendale dancers, and they were not nude, and people in Kingston still tried to ban them, so that was interesting), drinking my $4 latte, I've decided I'm going to start trying my ideas out on paper. I've had a bunch of ideas kicking around in my brain for four years, mostly to do with the music I routinely listen to, such as ALL CAPS, and I think I'll try my hand at writing a script. I haven't written a piece since second year playwriting, and that one wasn't good - let's not talk about it - but with my lack of employment and the uncertainty of that whole area of my life, it's not like I don't have time to dedicate to it. Also it's something I've never done - it's a musical - and even if it sucks royally, hey, I don't have to show it to anybody if I don't want to.
I think this blog will help in my new desire to write. I have to write coherently here, and I'm trying to write in full sentences and sound at least halfway intellectual or funny or whatever I'm trying to convey (and failing miserably right at this particular moment), so I think that will help develop my writing skills. I've written one story that people on the Internet saw - my days of Harry Potter fanfiction will never be forgotten - and I'd like to try my hand at a different story, something that is closer to my interest in Harry Potter at this point. (AKA about James and Lily, rather than Harry.) I've been trying to write that story for years, and during university, I just gave up. It'll probably never come to anything, but I'd like to try. I'm also considering NaNoWrimo, but that's even less likely. It's just a journey I'm thinking of here. It might take my mind off the fact that I'm terrified of where my life is right now - all I want to do is go to college for my post-grad program but my wall of debt is barring the way. So writing might distract me.
This has been a very long and rambling blog post. But it's my blog and I'm allowed to do whatever I want. I might write another one shortly - as in, within the next two hours I have to be here - but who knows? Again, it's my blog. Go, me.
Currently, I am sitting in a new coffee shop, or cafe, or whatever you want to call it, that just opened in town. I'm drinking a 12oz caramel latte. I'm set for a while. I've got a Libba Bray book in my bag, and my computer. (Although only for about 2 hours or so, since my power cord isn't plugging nicely into the wall and I get weirdly paranoid about forcing it and blowing a fuse.) I'm set for a while. And I better be - there are two showings at my house this afternoon/evening, and I don't feel like going home for half an hour in between them. I plan to just stay here until it's time to meet my parents for dinner.
I really dislike this part of selling a house. I have to pick everything up and get out of the house for at least an hour - although the showing we already had today was half an hour. I mean, don't get me wrong; I like a tidy house as much as the next person. But this is getting intense and ridiculous; it happens all the time, yet no matter what we do to the house, no one is interested enough to buy it. It's all a result of people not being able to look past the aesthetic stuff - well, let's be fair. That's not always the reason. Often, it's because of location or price or whatever. But sometimes, it really is because of the aesthetic stuff. The other day, someone cancelled an appointment because they did a drive-by earlier in the day (who does that?) and didn't like the look of the backyard. The really annoying thing was that they weren't looking at our backyard; the fence at the back of our yard is not our fence. It belongs to the town houses in the lot behind our house, and we have no control over it. (Otherwise it would not be held up with cables, I'm pretty sure.) But it just drives me crazy. You can't see past a few things to what it might be like to live there? Especially after we renovated most of the house?
It's the problem I see every time I watch Property Virgins on HGTV. People don't like the paint, or the kitchen island, or the cabinets. All of these things are easily fixable! And at a minimum cost! I don't like kitchen islands, but I'd like to think that I would be able to see past it. Unless there's plumbing in it, I could just take it out, without gutting the entire kitchen. I yell at the screen every time I see people making this mistake, and I want to yell at the people dismissing the possibility of buying my house for making that same mistake. Things are fixable; they're easy to update, without doing major renovations, and really, our price isn't that steep.
But hey. It does depend on the particular person's situation. They might be in a really tight spot and not have anything extra to work with, not even enough to get paint. (Since paint can be uber expensive!) So if they don't think they can live with it long enough to get to the point where they can get the money to make it their own home, I can see why they would focus on the aesthetic thing. It's just hard when you're trying to sell a house because the situation you're in is one you don't want to be in for long, either. (Ours is mainly the commute.)
I think what makes me even more annoyed, and I'll say it, pissed off, is those people who say they're really interested, and their realtor says they're really excited - and then nothing ever happens. They say they're thinking about an offer but then they never make one. Don't pretend to be excited - don't let your realtor tell the person selling the house - and by extension, the people living in that house - that you're really excited and are probably going to put in an offer. It gets people's hopes up, and then when nothing ever happens, it's the worst. You can't look for houses because you need to sell your house first. Sure, you can look at houses - but it's the worst when you find one you love, and it gets sold because no one's following through on their excitement. If you're not excited, if you're not actually going to put an offer out there, don't tell your realtor you are!
In short - er, well this turned out pretty long, so I guess "in short" is just an expression here - I just really want my parents to sell their house. This is mostly so I don't have to clean the house every few days and have to figure out something to do, somewhere to go, for an hour or more every few days. (I really miss school in this instance, and also, I need a job!) Due to my lack of employment, I don't like going anywhere - there aren't really any free places I can go. If I go somewhere, I usually need to buy something. I am pretty tight budgeted, because money actually sort of scares me, so I don't like it. I wish I could go to the library - that'd be ideal - but because of the town I live in, and the fact that anywhere I go, people will speak French at me and make me feel like an outcast because I don't speak French, I don't feel comfortable at the library. Also, these showings often happen during the day, and the public library is attached to a high school, so there's always students in there. I don't have any homework to do, and I miss school, so I don't want to sit and take up a spot for a student. (Not that the library is ever that packed, but I hope I communicated the awkwardness.)
I cannot wait for my parents to move so I can get out of this town. I wouldn't have anything against French people - in fact, I don't have anything against the French community as a whole - but in this town, there is a certain kind of French group who are very snobby about being French and look down their nose at you if you are English, and they're taking over the town. Every sign is in French, and you're lucky if it's in English, and when it is, it's an afterthought. (Except for street signs, at least. Even the signs in WAL-MART are French first, and English after, in small writing.) It was not like this when we first moved here. I just don't feel like I belong or am welcome anymore - I can't get a job here, so I have to travel to Ottawa every day to go job hunting. (Although in Ottawa, I'm feeling the fact that I'm probably not going to be able to work here because I don't speak French and people are getting snobbier about it.) This town is a 15-20 minute drive from the nearest bus station to get into Ottawa. My parents' commute is at least an hour; they take a coach bus from here to Ottawa, and then another bus to their work places. It's the main reason why we're moving. They moved here so we could go to school, and I am happy about that; I met some of my best friends in school here, and I wouldn't be studying drama if I hadn't had the best teacher ever, Gwen Smith, but it's definitely time to move on before this gets swallowed by the French. Again, nothing against the French community - I certainly don't judge every French person I meet, and I have met some of the nicest French people here - but a large majority of the people here are rude and don't think you merit consideration. And a lot of them are in customer service.
It also means I don't really have a lot of outlets for arts work. After four years in Kingston, and four years in a very intimate, tight department with hundreds of opportunities, I guess I'm a little spoiled. I'm used to having so many options for shows, and so many different roles to try. Now, there's no opportunity really, because any arts thing I hear about is in our exclusively French newspaper, so there's no way to get into that theatre scene. (Also, there's not really a theatre scene to speak of.) I would make some, but I don't think the English community here is big enough to really get a following. I don't even know where to start with it. I really want to move into Ottawa so I can get back into shows, and have a chance - it would be too difficult to do a show in Ottawa while we live here due to the intense commute and the issue I have with driving in certain areas. (As in, downtown. Nope.)
But as I sit in this coffee shop and listen to people carry on conversations in a weird hybrid of French and English about Chippendales fully nude dancers (I saw Chippendale dancers, and they were not nude, and people in Kingston still tried to ban them, so that was interesting), drinking my $4 latte, I've decided I'm going to start trying my ideas out on paper. I've had a bunch of ideas kicking around in my brain for four years, mostly to do with the music I routinely listen to, such as ALL CAPS, and I think I'll try my hand at writing a script. I haven't written a piece since second year playwriting, and that one wasn't good - let's not talk about it - but with my lack of employment and the uncertainty of that whole area of my life, it's not like I don't have time to dedicate to it. Also it's something I've never done - it's a musical - and even if it sucks royally, hey, I don't have to show it to anybody if I don't want to.
I think this blog will help in my new desire to write. I have to write coherently here, and I'm trying to write in full sentences and sound at least halfway intellectual or funny or whatever I'm trying to convey (and failing miserably right at this particular moment), so I think that will help develop my writing skills. I've written one story that people on the Internet saw - my days of Harry Potter fanfiction will never be forgotten - and I'd like to try my hand at a different story, something that is closer to my interest in Harry Potter at this point. (AKA about James and Lily, rather than Harry.) I've been trying to write that story for years, and during university, I just gave up. It'll probably never come to anything, but I'd like to try. I'm also considering NaNoWrimo, but that's even less likely. It's just a journey I'm thinking of here. It might take my mind off the fact that I'm terrified of where my life is right now - all I want to do is go to college for my post-grad program but my wall of debt is barring the way. So writing might distract me.
This has been a very long and rambling blog post. But it's my blog and I'm allowed to do whatever I want. I might write another one shortly - as in, within the next two hours I have to be here - but who knows? Again, it's my blog. Go, me.
Monday, September 24, 2012
THEATRE TIMES
I promise I'll be writing real blog posts...er, soon.
In the MEANTIME, here is a list of the shows in Ottawa (and other places that are actually accessible to me) I particularly want to see. So I don't lose them again. Because that sucked.
FOR REFERENCE: ottawacitizen.com/arts - Look at the New Season 2012-2013, at the bottom of the page. There's one for Dance and Theatre. And Music. And Books. It's pretty cool.
Beauty and the Beast - Broadway Across Canada
Location: National Arts Centre
Dates: Oct 30 - Nov 4
Rock of Ages - Broadway Across Canada
Location: National Arts Centre
Dates: Mar 5-10
Andrea Martin: Final Days! Everything Must Go! Location: Centrepointe Theatre
Date: Oct 27
The Strange Case of the Psycho Santas Location: Scarlett's Dinner Theatre (Byward Market)
Dates: Beginning Nov 16
Rabbit Hole - Kanata Theatre
Location: Ron Maslin Playhouse
Dates: Feb 5-9, 12-16
Harvey - Kanata Theatre
Location: Ron Maslin Playhouse
Dates: Mar 26-30, Apr 2-6
Pride and Prejudice - National Arts Centre English Theatre and Theatre Calgary Co-Production
Location: National Arts Centre
Dates: Nov 21 - Dec 8
Arsenic and Old Lace - Orleans Young Players Theatre School (Adult Class)
Location: Shenkman Arts Centre
Dates: Feb 22-23
Footloose - Orpheus Musical Theatre Society
Location: Centrepointe Theatre
Dates: Nov 23 - Dec 2
Carousel - Orpheus Musical Theatre Society
Location: Centrepointe Theatre
Dates: May 31 - June 9
Hay Fever - Ottawa Little Theatre
Location: Ottawa Little Theatre
Dates: Sept 15 - Oct 6
Steel Magnolias - Ottawa Little Theatre
Location: Ottawa Little Theatre
Dates: May 28 - Jun 15
Noises Off - Ottawa Little Theatre
Location: Ottawa Little Theatre
Dates: Jul 2-20
Hamlet/Maid for a Musket - St. Lawrence Shakespeare Festival
Location: Prescott, ON
Dates: Jul 12 - Aug 17
The Drowsy Chaperone - Blue Canoe Productions
Location: Baby Grand Theatre, Kingston
Dates: Jan 10-26
Blood Relations - Queen's Drama
Location: Queen's Campus
Dates: TBA
The Nutcracker - Alberta Ballet
Location: National Arts Centre
Dates: Dec 5-9
Romeo and Juliet - The National Ballet of Canada
Location: National Arts Centre
Dates: Jan 31 - Feb 2
Swan Lake - Ballet Jorgen Canada
Location: Centrepointe Theatre
Dates: Mar 22-23
In the MEANTIME, here is a list of the shows in Ottawa (and other places that are actually accessible to me) I particularly want to see. So I don't lose them again. Because that sucked.
FOR REFERENCE: ottawacitizen.com/arts - Look at the New Season 2012-2013, at the bottom of the page. There's one for Dance and Theatre. And Music. And Books. It's pretty cool.
Beauty and the Beast - Broadway Across Canada
Location: National Arts Centre
Dates: Oct 30 - Nov 4
Rock of Ages - Broadway Across Canada
Location: National Arts Centre
Dates: Mar 5-10
Andrea Martin: Final Days! Everything Must Go! Location: Centrepointe Theatre
Date: Oct 27
The Strange Case of the Psycho Santas Location: Scarlett's Dinner Theatre (Byward Market)
Dates: Beginning Nov 16
Rabbit Hole - Kanata Theatre
Location: Ron Maslin Playhouse
Dates: Feb 5-9, 12-16
Harvey - Kanata Theatre
Location: Ron Maslin Playhouse
Dates: Mar 26-30, Apr 2-6
Pride and Prejudice - National Arts Centre English Theatre and Theatre Calgary Co-Production
Location: National Arts Centre
Dates: Nov 21 - Dec 8
Arsenic and Old Lace - Orleans Young Players Theatre School (Adult Class)
Location: Shenkman Arts Centre
Dates: Feb 22-23
Footloose - Orpheus Musical Theatre Society
Location: Centrepointe Theatre
Dates: Nov 23 - Dec 2
Carousel - Orpheus Musical Theatre Society
Location: Centrepointe Theatre
Dates: May 31 - June 9
Hay Fever - Ottawa Little Theatre
Location: Ottawa Little Theatre
Dates: Sept 15 - Oct 6
Steel Magnolias - Ottawa Little Theatre
Location: Ottawa Little Theatre
Dates: May 28 - Jun 15
Noises Off - Ottawa Little Theatre
Location: Ottawa Little Theatre
Dates: Jul 2-20
Hamlet/Maid for a Musket - St. Lawrence Shakespeare Festival
Location: Prescott, ON
Dates: Jul 12 - Aug 17
The Drowsy Chaperone - Blue Canoe Productions
Location: Baby Grand Theatre, Kingston
Dates: Jan 10-26
Blood Relations - Queen's Drama
Location: Queen's Campus
Dates: TBA
The Nutcracker - Alberta Ballet
Location: National Arts Centre
Dates: Dec 5-9
Romeo and Juliet - The National Ballet of Canada
Location: National Arts Centre
Dates: Jan 31 - Feb 2
Swan Lake - Ballet Jorgen Canada
Location: Centrepointe Theatre
Dates: Mar 22-23
Thursday, September 20, 2012
This Is How...
I posted an entry wondering how I would ever manage to make my first YouTube video. I titled it How Do You Solve a Problem Like...Making Your First Video?
Well, here's the answer.
You make a plan and you do it.
I ended up writing out exactly what I wanted to say. I was originally going to memorize that but it just made the whole thing sound so rehearsed I had to scrap saying the exact words. It still sounds a tiny bit rehearsed, but I felt better about it. It was such a personal topic, the impact that Harry Potter has had on my life, that I had to at least try to be as natural as possible.
I was supposed to film the video this morning but that didn't end up happening. I filmed it when I returned home in the afternoon. Rule 1: Don't make a video when the light is changing. It WILL show up in your video. That was an unfortunate step on my part, but because I wanted this to be done so well, at least in terms of my speech, that I just left it. It's a very obvious jump haha. Good thing I'm not a film editor! But I did film it. Finally. First time ever, for YouTube, and I did it.
Editing is not my favourite thing, ever, and it's especially not my favourite when I don't have a real editing program. All I had was the browser my videocamera came with, as well as stuff like Windows Movie Maker. Which is fine when you're trimming off the ends and beginnings of the video, but not when you're trying to fix something in the middle. I have two massive cuts in my video that I hate, but there was nothing to be done because a) I don't know how to fix it, and b) the lighting changed so it'd be really obvious anyway.
All in all, it was...an experience. I'm not uber excited and pleased - I'm excited that I finally put something out there, and I'm still holding out hope that I will make it on to the DVD extras for Finding Hogwarts, as this was the reason for this video, but even if I don't, I made a video, people! I did it, and I thought I would never find an excuse. The quality's not the best, neither is the editing; I didn't do anything fancy; but it's from the heart and it's all true. And I think that's what was most important. This meant a lot to me and I did it, so I feel good about it. Being on the extras would be a bonus but I really wanted to make this response video to Bre Bishop - aka ifancythetrio - anyway.
But it's out there now!
This is the link to my video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAAi4pP7bgY&feature=plcp
Don't forget to order Finding Hogwarts! Watch the trailer on their site here: http://FindingHogwarts.com?fh=dramabroadwaydanii
This is the link to Bre's video talking about the Finding Hogwarts DVD/response video thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp00QgzjeWI
AND this is the link to her original video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_959621&feature=iv&src_vid=lp00QgzjeWI&v=jZnWOml4OGo
This was a stressful, but exhilarating experience. I'm semi terrified and semi psyched to see what happens to this video I posted! It's in the public eye and it just seems much more personal than blog posts or social media profiles, for some reason. Maybe I'll write something about that later.
Well, here's the answer.
You make a plan and you do it.
I ended up writing out exactly what I wanted to say. I was originally going to memorize that but it just made the whole thing sound so rehearsed I had to scrap saying the exact words. It still sounds a tiny bit rehearsed, but I felt better about it. It was such a personal topic, the impact that Harry Potter has had on my life, that I had to at least try to be as natural as possible.
I was supposed to film the video this morning but that didn't end up happening. I filmed it when I returned home in the afternoon. Rule 1: Don't make a video when the light is changing. It WILL show up in your video. That was an unfortunate step on my part, but because I wanted this to be done so well, at least in terms of my speech, that I just left it. It's a very obvious jump haha. Good thing I'm not a film editor! But I did film it. Finally. First time ever, for YouTube, and I did it.
Editing is not my favourite thing, ever, and it's especially not my favourite when I don't have a real editing program. All I had was the browser my videocamera came with, as well as stuff like Windows Movie Maker. Which is fine when you're trimming off the ends and beginnings of the video, but not when you're trying to fix something in the middle. I have two massive cuts in my video that I hate, but there was nothing to be done because a) I don't know how to fix it, and b) the lighting changed so it'd be really obvious anyway.
All in all, it was...an experience. I'm not uber excited and pleased - I'm excited that I finally put something out there, and I'm still holding out hope that I will make it on to the DVD extras for Finding Hogwarts, as this was the reason for this video, but even if I don't, I made a video, people! I did it, and I thought I would never find an excuse. The quality's not the best, neither is the editing; I didn't do anything fancy; but it's from the heart and it's all true. And I think that's what was most important. This meant a lot to me and I did it, so I feel good about it. Being on the extras would be a bonus but I really wanted to make this response video to Bre Bishop - aka ifancythetrio - anyway.
But it's out there now!
This is the link to my video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAAi4pP7bgY&feature=plcp
Don't forget to order Finding Hogwarts! Watch the trailer on their site here: http://FindingHogwarts.com?fh=dramabroadwaydanii
This is the link to Bre's video talking about the Finding Hogwarts DVD/response video thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp00QgzjeWI
AND this is the link to her original video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_959621&feature=iv&src_vid=lp00QgzjeWI&v=jZnWOml4OGo
This was a stressful, but exhilarating experience. I'm semi terrified and semi psyched to see what happens to this video I posted! It's in the public eye and it just seems much more personal than blog posts or social media profiles, for some reason. Maybe I'll write something about that later.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
How Do You Solve a Problem Like...Making Your First Video?
Apparently I've got The Sound of Music in my head a little bit. Who knows where that came from?
Just because I've posted two blog posts in two days does not mean this will be the natural way of things. I'll probably have huge gaps, but since it's my blog, I'm going to try not to worry about that.
I just saw Bre Bishop's latest tweet about the fact that if you submit your video response to her question, "What impact has Harry Potter had on your life?" before THURSDAY, it will still make it on the DVD extras.
I'd love to be on the DVD extras! I've already ordered my copy of Finding Hogwarts - and if you're a Harry Potter fan, it's definitely worth the order and is actually not that expensive! - and hey, wouldn't it be cool to be on the DVD? I also get my name in the credits so I guess it could be in there for a reason. And I don't think I'd have a problem making a response to the impact that Harry Potter has had on my life; it shaped my life, as I've been reading it since I was seven, but it also impacted me because it saved my skin a couple of times.
The problem I'm encountering about getting that video done and up by Thursday is that I've never made a YouTube video before. I've made videos before, but none that end up available to the rest of the world. I've always wanted to but I've always balked at the fact that I believe I have nothing to say. I think I'd really want my first video to be something that mattered to me, instead of just a silly introductory video.
Answering Bre's question would definitely be a good first video. Whether or not I get it on the DVD, I think I want to answer it. I wasn't on YouTube when everything was starting, back in 2006/2007, so I wasn't around when she asked the question the first time. However, I do know that that question sparked a lot of my favourite YouTubers' careers and presence on YouTube. For a lot of people, that was one of their very first videos on this fledgling site that has since blown up into an amazing vehicle for all kinds of communities - but particularly the ones I belong to, those of Harry Potter and Nerdfighteria. So I think it would be nostalgic and fitting if my very first YouTube video was a response to this question that is so important in my life.
Now I just have to think - if I really want to do this, I might as well do it as soon as possible, before I lose my nerve. This means I might actually slide in under the deadline to get it up in time for Thursday. If I write it tonight and film early tomorrow - and I'll keep the editing to a minimum, with no fancy tricks because let's face it, I don't know what I'm doing in any way - maybe I can actually get it up there.
I think I want to make this my goal. I think it's important that this deadline is coming up. Besides the fact that being on the extras of a real live DVD would be amazing, with a real deadline in mind, I can't avoid this. I can't lose my nerve, because I need to get it done.
I'm hoping that at the end of Wednesday, there'll be an actual uploaded video on my YouTube channel. I'm not going to pretend this is definitely going to happen; I'm aware of the deadline and my desire to do this, but I'm not going to pretend it's a done deal until it's filmed and edited. It's not going to be fancy, whatever I produce - but I think simple is ideal for a beginner and also for this question. I can communicate any fanciness in my words, because this question is so important to me.
So hopefully I can link to a video in my next post! Either that or my next post will be how I went down in flames in the attempt to make this video. It could swing either way.
I guess we'll all wait and see - myself included.
Just because I've posted two blog posts in two days does not mean this will be the natural way of things. I'll probably have huge gaps, but since it's my blog, I'm going to try not to worry about that.
I just saw Bre Bishop's latest tweet about the fact that if you submit your video response to her question, "What impact has Harry Potter had on your life?" before THURSDAY, it will still make it on the DVD extras.
I'd love to be on the DVD extras! I've already ordered my copy of Finding Hogwarts - and if you're a Harry Potter fan, it's definitely worth the order and is actually not that expensive! - and hey, wouldn't it be cool to be on the DVD? I also get my name in the credits so I guess it could be in there for a reason. And I don't think I'd have a problem making a response to the impact that Harry Potter has had on my life; it shaped my life, as I've been reading it since I was seven, but it also impacted me because it saved my skin a couple of times.
The problem I'm encountering about getting that video done and up by Thursday is that I've never made a YouTube video before. I've made videos before, but none that end up available to the rest of the world. I've always wanted to but I've always balked at the fact that I believe I have nothing to say. I think I'd really want my first video to be something that mattered to me, instead of just a silly introductory video.
Answering Bre's question would definitely be a good first video. Whether or not I get it on the DVD, I think I want to answer it. I wasn't on YouTube when everything was starting, back in 2006/2007, so I wasn't around when she asked the question the first time. However, I do know that that question sparked a lot of my favourite YouTubers' careers and presence on YouTube. For a lot of people, that was one of their very first videos on this fledgling site that has since blown up into an amazing vehicle for all kinds of communities - but particularly the ones I belong to, those of Harry Potter and Nerdfighteria. So I think it would be nostalgic and fitting if my very first YouTube video was a response to this question that is so important in my life.
Now I just have to think - if I really want to do this, I might as well do it as soon as possible, before I lose my nerve. This means I might actually slide in under the deadline to get it up in time for Thursday. If I write it tonight and film early tomorrow - and I'll keep the editing to a minimum, with no fancy tricks because let's face it, I don't know what I'm doing in any way - maybe I can actually get it up there.
I think I want to make this my goal. I think it's important that this deadline is coming up. Besides the fact that being on the extras of a real live DVD would be amazing, with a real deadline in mind, I can't avoid this. I can't lose my nerve, because I need to get it done.
I'm hoping that at the end of Wednesday, there'll be an actual uploaded video on my YouTube channel. I'm not going to pretend this is definitely going to happen; I'm aware of the deadline and my desire to do this, but I'm not going to pretend it's a done deal until it's filmed and edited. It's not going to be fancy, whatever I produce - but I think simple is ideal for a beginner and also for this question. I can communicate any fanciness in my words, because this question is so important to me.
So hopefully I can link to a video in my next post! Either that or my next post will be how I went down in flames in the attempt to make this video. It could swing either way.
I guess we'll all wait and see - myself included.
First...One? I'm Bad at Titles
So here goes.
Here goes. I'm writing a blog post. My first big girl blog post.
Just start it.
This is harder than I thought. Or is it? The fact that I can't decide is pretty telling.
I have wanted to start a legitimate blog - as in not Tumblr - for the longest time. But I always thought that it was pointless. Since I stopped writing in my early years of high school - stopped writing for pleasure, that is - I've been under the impression that I suck. And that's why I stopped. I don't know if that's true anymore. In writing e-mails to people I care about, even in a lot of Tumblr posts that no one besides me has ever seen, I've seen glimpses of what could be termed pretty good writing. I've been coming closer to thinking, "Hey, maybe I can do this again. Maybe I can enjoy this again and maybe I can really decide how good at this I am." So I guess that's what prompted the creation of this blog. (Although I have to hand it to Hayley G. Hoover - she inspires me every day and after a couple of hours spent catching up on her blog, I thought, "This is it. This is the time to start one.") Hayley G. Hoover I am not, and never will be, but using her as inspiration seems to be a good idea to me right now. Plus, listening to Julia Nunes just makes me want to do great things.
Guys and girls, I have no idea what I'm doing. Half of these settings options are completely foreign to me; it's going to take me a while to figure this out. I'm not uber familiar with this site. I don't know what people would be interested in reading. I waffle between caring about that and being like, "I don't care what anyone thinks! This will be my place and my place only! Screw all y'all!" I bet that feeling will disappear if I receive a negative anonymous comment. Or maybe it won't. I just don't know. This is a new adventure. I hope someone will share it with me.
I plan to use this for my ramblings, my rants, my thoughts, not my innermost secrets, since this is going to stay public, but also for my creative forays. I want there to be way more of those. I have so many ideas toddling around in my brain. They're only babies right now, babies who have just found their feet, and I want to help them mature. I want to shape them into steady walkers. And I have no idea why I'm using a baby analogy. But these ideas are there and after four years in a Drama program, my qualms about sharing those baby ideas with the world have diminished. I want to make these happen. But my qualms will never disappear entirely; I don't know where to start developing some of these ideas. (For instance, I've never written a musical! But I want to. I want to write like three.) I'm a totally new mom with these ideas. But there are so many people who inspire me every day, and while I don't want to be like them exactly - they're their own person and that's why I love them, although hey, I'd still like to look like Charlize Theron and be as hilarious as Jennifer Lawrence any day - I want their creativity to rub off on me. I do have a store of creativity that I forget about a lot - I'm hoping this blog will result in me not forgetting that anymore. I'd like some of these ideas to come to fruition and I'd like to develop more.
So I don't really know what this blog will contain beyond what I've already said. I'm going to try. I already dislike the domain name I just picked, so I'm thinking about starting over, but that'll come with the territory. I'm thinking that'll happen every time I write a blog post about something dark, or something I'm not entirely comfortable with. I'll want to start over. But this is a good way to tell myself to push through and move on. (As long as I ignore the fact that I did just delete the previous blog to get a new domain name. But I did it. I'm sticking with this one!)
And this blog post turned into something that was fairly easy to write. I don't expect it will always be like this, but I'm liking where this is going so far. I hope that means I can stick to it. And don't expect it to be so serious all the time. I couldn't be serious all the time if I was paid fifty million dollars. Sometimes I make literally no sense at all. But sometimes I do.
Maybe.
Here goes. I'm writing a blog post. My first big girl blog post.
Just start it.
This is harder than I thought. Or is it? The fact that I can't decide is pretty telling.
I have wanted to start a legitimate blog - as in not Tumblr - for the longest time. But I always thought that it was pointless. Since I stopped writing in my early years of high school - stopped writing for pleasure, that is - I've been under the impression that I suck. And that's why I stopped. I don't know if that's true anymore. In writing e-mails to people I care about, even in a lot of Tumblr posts that no one besides me has ever seen, I've seen glimpses of what could be termed pretty good writing. I've been coming closer to thinking, "Hey, maybe I can do this again. Maybe I can enjoy this again and maybe I can really decide how good at this I am." So I guess that's what prompted the creation of this blog. (Although I have to hand it to Hayley G. Hoover - she inspires me every day and after a couple of hours spent catching up on her blog, I thought, "This is it. This is the time to start one.") Hayley G. Hoover I am not, and never will be, but using her as inspiration seems to be a good idea to me right now. Plus, listening to Julia Nunes just makes me want to do great things.
Guys and girls, I have no idea what I'm doing. Half of these settings options are completely foreign to me; it's going to take me a while to figure this out. I'm not uber familiar with this site. I don't know what people would be interested in reading. I waffle between caring about that and being like, "I don't care what anyone thinks! This will be my place and my place only! Screw all y'all!" I bet that feeling will disappear if I receive a negative anonymous comment. Or maybe it won't. I just don't know. This is a new adventure. I hope someone will share it with me.
I plan to use this for my ramblings, my rants, my thoughts, not my innermost secrets, since this is going to stay public, but also for my creative forays. I want there to be way more of those. I have so many ideas toddling around in my brain. They're only babies right now, babies who have just found their feet, and I want to help them mature. I want to shape them into steady walkers. And I have no idea why I'm using a baby analogy. But these ideas are there and after four years in a Drama program, my qualms about sharing those baby ideas with the world have diminished. I want to make these happen. But my qualms will never disappear entirely; I don't know where to start developing some of these ideas. (For instance, I've never written a musical! But I want to. I want to write like three.) I'm a totally new mom with these ideas. But there are so many people who inspire me every day, and while I don't want to be like them exactly - they're their own person and that's why I love them, although hey, I'd still like to look like Charlize Theron and be as hilarious as Jennifer Lawrence any day - I want their creativity to rub off on me. I do have a store of creativity that I forget about a lot - I'm hoping this blog will result in me not forgetting that anymore. I'd like some of these ideas to come to fruition and I'd like to develop more.
So I don't really know what this blog will contain beyond what I've already said. I'm going to try. I already dislike the domain name I just picked, so I'm thinking about starting over, but that'll come with the territory. I'm thinking that'll happen every time I write a blog post about something dark, or something I'm not entirely comfortable with. I'll want to start over. But this is a good way to tell myself to push through and move on. (As long as I ignore the fact that I did just delete the previous blog to get a new domain name. But I did it. I'm sticking with this one!)
And this blog post turned into something that was fairly easy to write. I don't expect it will always be like this, but I'm liking where this is going so far. I hope that means I can stick to it. And don't expect it to be so serious all the time. I couldn't be serious all the time if I was paid fifty million dollars. Sometimes I make literally no sense at all. But sometimes I do.
Maybe.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)