Motivation

Motivation is an interesting thing. I feel like my motivation was at least passable when I was still in school, having to do work and work under tight deadlines while doing a show and somehow still managing to have friends. But as I've been living outside of the bubble of school, I feel that it's gotten worse.

Now it's turned into phases. I go through phases of applying for jobs, phases of social life stuff, phases of college planning/deciding, just phases. It's like now that I'm not paying for anything educational, forcing me to be at least a little motivated so I can get my money's worth, graduate and get some experience while it's still sort of easy, I can't get going. I'm working, at a part-time job, and that's great; money's coming in and I'm actually coming to like it a lot, more than most part-time jobs I've had. But I still need to continue looking for jobs in my field. I mean, I've made some strides there, making some connections with some event planning companies, and some trade shows, so that's awesome, but you know, I could always be doing more. And maybe that's just me being hard on myself - that happens a lot, and will probably never stop happening - but I still feel like I could be doing more.

But every time I come home from work, or even have the day off, I often can't bring myself to do anything, let alone search for jobs or connections or even talk to people sometimes!

I don't really know where this blog post is going. I just wanted to comment on it, I guess. (For a specific example: it has taken me about two hours to get this far in this blog post, and who knows how long it'll be before it gets posted.) Motivation is something that differs from person to person, but I think everyone has a struggle with it at some point in their lives, no matter who they are. It might be small, it might be a huge thing, but I think there'll be a moment where everyone feels they're not doing enough but can't make themselves do it either.

Again. No real comment on this, just kind of how it makes me feel. Which is guilty. And weird. And wishing I could fix it but it's hard to force myself, and I don't really want to force myself to be doing stuff so important to the rest of my life. So I'll keep trying, and it's not like it's not something I want to do. I want to work in my field so badly, and I'm offering to volunteer for events with some people because I just want to work in this arena so much. Maybe it's just a passing thing, and it'll get better. It usually does.

This was all brought on by the fact that it took me a month and a bit to even write a blog post, about anything. Only a little sad. Whoops.