Long Distance Woes

So.

I'm in a long distance relationship. I have been in a long distance relationship for two years, approximately. (Two and a half years in January.) It has been a long time, and the distance is quite significant, as my boyfriend lives FAR across the province from me. It takes me about seven hours to get to where he lives on the train, and would take probably that same amount of time, give or take two hours, to drive it. (Which I have never done, because that's a LONG way to drive by myself!)

I don't really know why I'm writing this post. Well, I do - this is always in the back of my head. Distance is hard, as I also have a few friends - and even more now that I have graduated from Queen's - who live far away with me. That's hard, having friends that far away. But having a boyfriend that far away? A serious relationship that far away? That's even harder. At least, we find it so.

I think the moments it really comes down to how hard it is are those moments when you, inevitably, have fights. Trying to have a fight, at all, in the first place, on the Internet, is difficult. Even though you're fighting, it usually gets worse because no matter how careful you are, something might not come across the way you meant it. Maybe you forgot a word, maybe you made a typo, maybe you just didn't structure your sentence properly. Either way, it might result in the other person exploding. There can be a cooling down period, but it might stretch way too long if the other person just never replies to the e-mail you made the mistake in, or doesn't reply to the apology e-mail you sent when you realised you had made a mistake. (Usually after receiving a blasting e-mail, the equivalent of screaming on the Internet.) It's not the same as living in the same house, or even the same town - you can go home, you can go into another room, but you'll still be in the same sphere when the cooling down is done and it's time to talk.

On the Internet, when the cooling down period is done - and for us, the Internet is where the majority of our exchanges take place, since I don't enjoy talking on the phone for hours on end that much - there's not an easy way to walk back into the room. Things might still not be communicated properly. Even if there's an apology, it either doesn't work or it results in a long, drawn-out fight - maybe over hours, maybe over days. That's certainly happened before. It's hard - there's no make-up hug or kiss or anything; there's just an unsatisfying resolve that you know would be better, and you could make yourself more understood, if you could simply talk to the other person face-to-face.

I think that's the hardest for me, personally. I often take things the wrong way, and usually it's because he's made a genuine mistake in his phrasing or forgot a word or simply didn't realise what kind of mood I was in. (And really, how could he? He's not actually talking to me!) It's usually my fault, taking something the wrong way but it's hard to stop. We had a bad blow-out the other day and we barely talked the following couple of days because it was hard for me to go back to it.

You'd think it would all get easier over time. You'd think you'd start being able to stop taking things the wrong way, to stop getting in stupid fights, to stop missing the other person quite as much, to stop moaning about how expensive train tickets are or how much time they take up. But it doesn't get easier. If anything, it gets harder the longer you go on.

You get tired of everything so fast. But if it's serious - if you're truly in it for the long haul - you'll stay. Even though it's hard, even though you're exhausted, you stay because you love the other person. (I know, sappy!) But it never stops being difficult to handle, and the fights are sometimes more numerous. You go through phases, though they come at different times and different intensities. It sucks, but you just have to go through it hoping it will turn out for the best, and you'll come out shining at the end, and maybe you'll finally live even as close as a street away from him.

You never stop missing the other person, either. I know this will turn out, and that's the reason we've put so much work into keeping this relationship going, and that, in turn, is the reason I know it's all going to be worth it.