First...One? I'm Bad at Titles

So here goes.

Here goes. I'm writing a blog post. My first big girl blog post.

Just start it.

This is harder than I thought. Or is it? The fact that I can't decide is pretty telling.

I have wanted to start a legitimate blog - as in not Tumblr - for the longest time. But I always thought that it was pointless. Since I stopped writing in my early years of high school - stopped writing for pleasure, that is - I've been under the impression that I suck. And that's why I stopped. I don't know if that's true anymore. In writing e-mails to people I care about, even in a lot of Tumblr posts that no one besides me has ever seen, I've seen glimpses of what could be termed pretty good writing. I've been coming closer to thinking, "Hey, maybe I can do this again. Maybe I can enjoy this again and maybe I can really decide how good at this I am." So I guess that's what prompted the creation of this blog. (Although I have to hand it to Hayley G. Hoover - she inspires me every day and after a couple of hours spent catching up on her blog, I thought, "This is it. This is the time to start one.") Hayley G. Hoover I am not, and never will be, but using her as inspiration seems to be a good idea to me right now. Plus, listening to Julia Nunes just makes me want to do great things.

Guys and girls, I have no idea what I'm doing. Half of these settings options are completely foreign to me; it's going to take me a while to figure this out. I'm not uber familiar with this site. I don't know what people would be interested in reading. I waffle between caring about that and being like, "I don't care what anyone thinks! This will be my place and my place only! Screw all y'all!" I bet that feeling will disappear if I receive a negative anonymous comment. Or maybe it won't. I just don't know. This is a new adventure. I hope someone will share it with me.

I plan to use this for my ramblings, my rants, my thoughts, not my innermost secrets, since this is going to stay public, but also for my creative forays. I want there to be way more of those. I have so many ideas toddling around in my brain. They're only babies right now, babies who have just found their feet, and I want to help them mature. I want to shape them into steady walkers. And I have no idea why I'm using a baby analogy. But these ideas are there and after four years in a Drama program, my qualms about sharing those baby ideas with the world have diminished. I want to make these happen. But my qualms will never disappear entirely; I don't know where to start developing some of these ideas. (For instance, I've never written a musical! But I want to. I want to write like three.) I'm a totally new mom with these ideas. But there are so many people who inspire me every day, and while I don't want to be like them exactly - they're their own person and that's why I love them, although hey, I'd still like to look like Charlize Theron and be as hilarious as Jennifer Lawrence any day - I want their creativity to rub off on me. I do have a store of creativity that I forget about a lot - I'm hoping this blog will result in me not forgetting that anymore. I'd like some of these ideas to come to fruition and I'd like to develop more.

So I don't really know what this blog will contain beyond what I've already said. I'm going to try. I already dislike the domain name I just picked, so I'm thinking about starting over, but that'll come with the territory. I'm thinking that'll happen every time I write a blog post about something dark, or something I'm not entirely comfortable with. I'll want to start over. But this is a good way to tell myself to push through and move on. (As long as I ignore the fact that I did just delete the previous blog to get a new domain name. But I did it. I'm sticking with this one!)

And this blog post turned into something that was fairly easy to write. I don't expect it will always be like this, but I'm liking where this is going so far. I hope that means I can stick to it. And don't expect it to be so serious all the time. I couldn't be serious all the time if I was paid fifty million dollars. Sometimes I make literally no sense at all. But sometimes I do.

Maybe.